My Head, My Costco, and My God

Sometimes the craziness gets the best of me. Sometimes I get sucked into the ideas my head keeps feeding me like your house isn't clean enough, finish that project or you are no good, you need to spend more time teaching the boys, loving the boys, playing with the boys, you need to work harder, do more, accomplish more, eat less, work out more, learn better grammar, love God more, stop wasting time on that blog...etc. When I can't fight back the crazies I go out shopping or I go out to eat or I go to the park or I go to the zoo or I go to Costco. I think the constant going out has been what's making Alex crazy at Costco. We are always on the go and rarely do we stop to just play or hang out together. I had another Costco adventure that I couldn't even write here since it was just another repeat of the last adventures. Soon, they won't let me shop there.

My goal this summer is to spend time with my own head and stop running from it. I have nothing on my calendar for next week and it kills me but I know it will be good for me. I am ready to stop running and start focusing on God, my purpose, my husband, and my kids hearts (not their abilities). I am ready to get stop worrying about me and start living in reality. My reality is so amazing that when I live in it, I wonder why I ever choose to go back to the worrying.

If I am always on the go then I am always running from my thoughts and I am unable to hear God's small voice saying, "Stop it, sit down, and be at peace with me." I hear it today and I am planning on hearing it tomorrow too.

Matthew 11:28-30 has been on my fridge for a while and I am just now starting to really take it in.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Being a Mommyhood Tour Guide

Okay, this time at Costco people were so helpful and not mean at all like last time. The question really is, why the boys no longer doing well at Costco? They are a bit crazy every time we go there and something weird always happens. Maybe the real issue is that I am at Costco too often and who but myself, my mother, and Manoj likes to go to Costco every week? Maybe my boys have it right, we should have just gone somewhere to play in the sunshine.

This time we did a fair amount of shopping without any hitches. After we got all we needed we went to get some of those ever famous Costco hot dogs and to meet up with a friend for a quick lunch. As we were eating lunch Alex pinched his finger in a stroller and the screaming was insane. That kid has some lungs and he screams so high pitched that everyone of course looked at us. A nice lady next to us ran to get some ice for his finger and everyone at her table was so kind and helpful. These things happen with kids so it wasn't all that stressful but just as I get Alex to stop screaming, Markus falls on the ground and hits his head. Now both my children are screaming and it's echoing through the whole eating area. Well, at this point there is not much the nice people next to us can do to fix the situation and I just start packing up and trying to get the heck out of there. The funny thing I noticed about me is once these things start to happen I start acting kind of like I am on stage...I know people are looking at me and I start to speak to the crowd as a whole. I say things like, "Oh, kids, they never let you finish a meal," and "Oh my boys, they better sleep this afternoon 'cause mama needs a nap!" The one I kept saying today was, "Once my husband gets home I am gonna give him the kids and take a relaxing bath." Hmmm really?! First off, not true. The chances of this happening are very slim because I am sure I will find something else I "need" to do before bed. Secondly, why do I feel the need to be funny or make announcements when my children are acting up? It's like I suddenly become a tour guide to all of the poor people thrust into my crazy mommyhood. I also become a tour guide when I am just plain nervous...it makes my poor husband crazy. I just make announcements to the people doing their own thing around us like, "Man, this weather is nice. Makes you want to not leave San Diego." My husband calls it talking to the air.

I said goodbye to my friend and the nice people at the table next to us and I made it to the car, put all of the groceries in, and was putting Alex in when I bumped his leg on his car seat which sounds like it wouldn't hurt, but the kid was mad. He yelled at me, "Mom! YOU did this to me! YOU hurt my leg! YOU did this mom!" Normally, Alex is a very kind kid but sometimes he says things to me that make me want to leave him at Costco. Instead of walking away, a wonderful little voice in my head told me to stay and talk with him and to look at the big picture. I did and we resolved our issue, but man, for a second there I was ready to just go on a nice, long walk all by myself.

Well, I am just praying that our Costco trips become easier because man, I love Costco. I am finally starting to feel better from this yucky cold that has been raging through my house and I am hopeful, as always, that tomorrow will be a better day.

Potty Training Update

Markus is a genius. On his first day potty training he ran to the potty all by himself and went poop in the potty all by himself!!! Did I mention he did it ALL BY HIMSELF!!?!?!? I was in the kitchen cutting up chicken and he ran in naked telling me he pooped in the potty. I went to the bathroom and saw the poop in the potty and then called Alex over to check it out. At the time that did not seem weird but maybe I will refrain from showing off Markus' poops.

By the way, to my big whopping 5 followers, this might not be my last post of the day. We are home sick today and I am feeling awful. There is nothing like the internet to burn up time.

Hoooray Potty Training!

Last night after bath time, Markus was running around the house naked. He comes running into the bathroom in a panic screaming, "I have to go potty! I have to go potty!" So, the little red kiddie potty that has been sitting in my way too small bathroom for the last 6 months going unused and driving my poor husband crazy, finally gets put to use. He went pee pee in the potty and I started jumping and screaming and telling him what a big boy he is. Alex joined in the fun and started saying, "You are a big boy like me now, brother!" Then Markus folds his arms on his chest and says, "We are two big boy brothers now." We got all of his big boy underwear out and he was so thrilled to be just like his big brother. When it was time for bed, Markus went crazy when I tried to put a diaper on him and I tried to explain that when big boys learn how to go pee pee in the potty, they still have to wear diapers to bed. Alex, who has been standing by in support of little brother all night says, "Aw, mom! I don't want to wear diapers to bed!" So, I think the hardest part about potty training the second child is trying to explain to the first child that none of what is going on applies to him. Alex was even trying to poop this morning so he could have a jelly bean.

This morning we have gone through 3 pairs of underwear so far, but Markus has actually been going in the potty most of the time. Both of the boys have been wearing only underwear all day. Alex kept begging me to make them twins so I said, "Sure, we can pretend that you guys are twins." He gets really upset and says, "Mom, I don't want to pretend to be twins, I really want to be twins!" I wish I could dictate all of our conversations onto here but since we talk all day long every day about every possible thing, I think the internet would run out of space.

The second hardest thing about potty training are the every five minute false alarms. I have been running into the bathroom all day at five minute intervals and (**poop joke alert**) since I am gluten free now, not one time has been to go potty myself. Only three people I know would laugh at that but I think it's funny.

Anyhoooo, my little baby is growing up and I am so excited to be diaper free for the first time in over 4 years! Markus is standing next to me screaming that he has to go potty again...it might be a long day.

All Better!

After a fun night with a badly missed friend and a nights sleep, I am all better! I feel empowered to conquer the world and tackle any crazy thing my little boys might throw my way. It helps that they are riding their bikes in circles around the patio table with Alex singing to the tune of the Drunken Sailor song, "What do you do with a scurvy pirate, what do you do with a scurvy pirate, what do you do with a scurvy pirate?" And then Markus follows singing, "Make them walk the plank." I love that they are best friends!

Not Winning or Conquering...Learning Maybe?

There are times when I feel like I am a first time mom just figuring this whole thing out. There are times I know things can go terribly wrong but I insist on doing it my way instead of doing it the way that makes the most sense. Today, I did it my way. The day started out nicely. We went to my bible study where the boys get to go into a preschool like classroom for over two hours. They love it and I love it. Afterwards we hung out with our friends and while the boys ran around playing, I ate lunch with my friends. So far, a wonderful day. Once we were done with lunch we packed up and I decided I really wanted to go to Costco to return the running shoes I bought and a shirt I bought for Phil. It was 12:30 when we left what Alex calls Brown Church. 1:00 is nap time. I know you can see my mistake...I saw the coming doom and I didn't care. We got to Costco, I did my returns, and then I figured we could get a few items we needed and the right sizes we needed for the shoes and the shirt. We got everything, plus some since it's Costco, and we headed for the checkout. I went to pull Alex out of the cart and he started to scream at me, "No, mom! I want to stay in the cart!" A few people turned their heads but no big deal. I tried to explain to Alex that the cart needed to get filled with all of the stuff we were buying. He decided he didn't care about anything and completely lost his mind. He started screaming so loudly now that I knew it was all over. I paid quickly as the lady behind the checkout tried to smile and make me feel better. I pulled the cart to the side and pulled Alex over to me so I could try to calm him down before we walked out the door. He calmed down enough to tell me he had to go potty. At this point I could feel all those eyes of people who have never had kids staring and glaring at me. Alex began to freak out again and I dragged Markus, the cart, and Alex to the potty. He calmed down enough to potty by himself and I thought this whole embarrassing moment, well 10 minutes was over. We went to wash our hands and I accidentally splashed a drop of water on Alex's shirt and pretty much he decided I did it on purpose and began to chastise me. I gave him a paper towel and told him he was fine, that it would dry. He insisted that he must also use the hand dryer. I said no. Then he began to freak out so badly that I realized that my only way out of this was to leave and leave quickly. I tried to pull my cart out of the bathroom and Alex, while screaming, tried to pull the cart back into the bathroom. I tried to pick him up to put him in the cart and he started kicking and fighting me and we were pretty much wrestling. Some poor lady was trying to get the heck out of the bathroom and timed it just right to slip out with out being kicked. While the wresting was happening I thought, maybe someone will call CPS on me. I remember seeing moms go through this before I had kids, and I judged them so harshly that I can't even put on here what I thought of them. So, I did finally get Alex in the cart. Prior to this I had been talking to Alex to try to calm him down but at this point, I gave up. The children, the groceries, and my purse were all in the cart so I began to walk as quickly as I could to the front door. Alex started freaking out worse than I have seen him do in a long time. I had to walk past every single checkout to get to the front door and every single person was looking at us with that judgmental look I used to give moms long ago. It was like slow motion torture. Alex was screaming so loudly I could hear it echo through Costco. I have to admit I just began to laugh. I was so embarrassed and there wasn't a darn thing I could do about it so I just laughed. Everyone must have thought I had lost it right along with Alex. Laughing Mary, screaming Alex, confused Markus. One of the funny things Alex kept screaming at me was, "Mom! You didn't obey me!! You need to stop right now!! I wanted to use the dryer to dry my hands! You didn't obey me!!" As I approached the front door check-er-out-ers I yelled over Alex's screaming, "You better go fast and check me out quickly!" Alex screamed and jumped up and down in the back of the cart all the way to the car and people looked and jeered the whole way. I strapped Markus in his seat, put Alex in the trunk of my car, unloaded the groceries, and jumped in the trunk along with Alex slamming the door behind me. Alex got "in trouble" in the back of the car. What I really wanted to do was leave him at Costco...maybe with those meanies who were making mean faces at me. We talked it out and we got in our seats and we actually made it home alive. He is sleeping now and I probably should be too. Maybe I should go on a walk...to the liquor store...no, no, no just kidding. I know that people have truly horrible things happen in their lives and I am so grateful for my life and my children but sometimes, I just want to put my head in a hole in the ground like the ostriches in the cartoons do.

This was therapy for me. You didn't have to read the whole thing but I so had to write the whole thing. Plus, I need to read this story over and over to remind myself that when it's almost nap time and we have already had a full day, I just need to go home.

Conquering

HA HA! You stinkin' brown widows don't stand a chance against me! Hi-Yah!!